Which is harder?

Trying to heal your wounds with everyone in the know? Or healing your wounds without anyone knowing, having to put on a front that everything is ok?

Both are just as hard I guess.. nursing a broken heart is never easy, no matter the situation you are in. Whenever a heart is broken, you will feel like it's the end of the world, and it's up to you to pick up the broken pieces and move one. Most of us do not want to move on, we dwell in our own memories, refusing to move. But sooner or later, we will realise just how foolish we had been, refusing to move does not mean that the world had not moved on and leaving us behind. Not preaching, it's first hand experience.

But telling people to move on is not enough, I never listened when they told me so, I believed I was right to hold on. It's an internal thing, you must wake up one day and realise that things should not be so, that you deserve to be happy just as much as the other person. And you decide that you ARE HAPPY. That's how it works.

Nursing a heartbreak with everyone in the know is hard as everyone will try to console you, but what they don't know is that the harder they try, the worse you will feel. At least that's the case for me. What I needed was time on my own, to think about what exactly happened. I did not know why things ended, till now I still do not know what happened. Something went off and he changed, simple as that. That's why I no longer trust feelings, they change too fast and too often. The only thing I trust is myself and the posessions I have. What I can hold in my hands are real, what I cannot see and hold are not real. (note to Ah Dear:: You are real to me, you are something that I can hold and feel.. all the time..)

Nursing a heartbreak in private is even harder, coz you had to pretend that everything is ok. You cannot let everyone know that you are heartbroken, you cannot let them think that there's something wrong with you. Again I had that experience, that time round it was my fault, but I made the decision and I stuck with it. The way I deal with it? I try to stay out as often as possible, try to avoid contact with others, that way I can take off my mask and take a breather.

Different people have different ways of picking themselves up. For me, I need the time and space alone, to gather my thoughts and just wallow in self-pity. Soon I would get sick of pitying myself and pull myself up. That's how it works for me. That's how I treat all others who had their hearts broken. I try not to ask, question or judge, just stay around when they need me and just treat them normally.

It's so hard.. but eventually things will have to go on.