oh well..

I'm not complaining but whenever I read or hear some sweet marriage proposals, my heart just can't help but sink a little..

I just wanted something sweet and memorable.. .. .. it is memorable alright, but definitely not for the right reasons.. I'm afraid my wedding is gonna fall into the same path, memorable but for all the wrong reasons..

It's hard not to be negative about this whole wedding thing coz I'm already stuck with a hotel which I hate, right now I'm deciding if I should be spiteful and be super nasty to the hotel staff, or just be nice and let things be.. hmm.. the former should be more interesting, besides, why should I be nice to people who are rude and unprofessional?

Nothing seems to be going right for the wedding and it's definitely not pre-wedding jitters coz I'm not the least bit looking forward to it. Let's see.. what had already went wrong??

1. Wedding dinner venue.. Furama is just.. .. ... .. .. The only thing nice about the place is that it's right next to this huge KTV lounge so that guys can go over for some overpriced drinks with the cheena girls.

2. I was supposed to have an event in KL next week but it got postponed yet again, what's new? It's the Sh***y B**k way.. It's the first time I got an event postponed just a week before the actual event.. it's really.. .. and guess what, the new date proposed for the event is 29/1 - 1/2, just a day before my wedding. Win lor.. what can I say?

3. My grandpa is pretty sick a few weeks ago and we all thought that this might be it.. It's horrible to see someone you love and respect sick in bed, and it's made worse by the fact that my wedding is nearing and we didn't know if we should go ahead with the preparations or not coz we dunno if he's gonna pull try. It's a good thing that he did and is doing pretty well right now, but still it was a horrid experience.

4. Wedding gown.. initially I was pretty excited over the gown thing coz I'm getting a pretty good designer to tailor my gowns.. but that guy happily forgot our appointment so in the end we had another designer to help us. It's not that this designer is not good, it's just that I'm pretty upset that my original designer did not seem to value my business.

The list goes on and all the little things just adds up.. It's actually really kinda depressing looking at the way things are going.

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I dun like kids and I reaffirmed that from my KL trip. My colleague brought his family along for the trip and he had a 2+ year old girl and 5 month old baby boy. Oh his kids were lovely, very well behaved and his baby boy just smiles when you smile at him.. Super cute and very well behaved considering today's standards.

But I just dun like kids.. I dun hate kids, I think they're lovely, but I never felt the urge to see a little-me running around, in fact I'm appalled at the idea. I already have a hard enough time taking care of myself, I cannot see myself having to take care of someone else. I know I'm selfish, but that's the way I am and I've made that very clear from the start.

I seriously dun view having kids in a negative light, I just dun feel that it's necessary to have kids to have a fulfilling life. My ideal life is to have a stable job from now till I retire, save up a tidy sum then migrate to somewhere (thailand perhaps) with a nice beach and bookstore; buy a neat landed property and have as many pets as I would like, dogs, cats, guinea pigs, tortoise, birds.. .. And this would not be possible if kids come into the picture coz instead of having retirement funds, you would need education funds.. and by the time you retire, they're still young and need your care. No thank you, I rather spend all my money on myself.

But one day you will get old and sick, you need kids to take care of you.. now that's one of the lamest argument I've heard to have kids.. When you get old and sick, do you honestly want to burden your children? Especially if they have families of their own?

I'm a firm believer that you do not need to have kids to have a fulfilling life and it's not likely that I would change my mind anytime soon.