Monday, January 23, 2006

I must learn to control

2006 did not start off well for me.. I think I woke up from the wrong side of my bed on new year's day and since then nothing had been right. Or at least that applies for my mood.

I've been feeling crabby since I returned from Manila, I've been feeling crabby when I'm in Manila, I've been feeling crabby before I went to Manila, I've been crabby ever since the start of the year.

I blame it on the one week break that I had.. One whole week of bliss, no work, no office, no boss. Just me, my Ah Bear and the telly. That's life the way I like it. No ambition, just relaxing the day away. That's my kinda life.

But now.. work work work.. argh!! I hate to work! I hate having to wake up early and coming over to work! I hate to answer to my boss's wimps! Ok, I don't really hate my job but then I never understood people who loved their work. For me work had always been just a means to earn money, and that's it. Nothing else, zilch, nothing.

I've been pretty stressed, first by the Manila trip, then by the trip itself and now by the follow-ups. Also there's a India trip coming in Feb, no way I'm going, I do not want to travel in Feb, not when it's Chinese New Year and V Day and my Mei's birthday! I will not go. Period.

My crabbiness came off in terms of tempers flying. Over in the short span of last week, I've lost my temper at Ah Dear for at least 3 times, and all of them were not his fault :( Argh!! What's wrong with me? I gotta start to keep my temper in check.

I always had a quick temper, I flare up very easily but I've learnt to control it. Now it seems like it's out of control again.. Every little thing can set me into Temper Mode. That's bad. And Ah Dear always get the worst of it :( I'm sorry.. I really am. There's a lot of things I don't mean, I just say things coz I was angry :(

Ah Dear is really good to me, I don't think anyone else can tolerate this terrible temper of mine.. Ah Dear, I will try to change, I will try my best to keep my temper in check ok. I will do my best to think before I speak and not jump to conclusions. I'm sorry.

I'm at this point of my life again, where I start to question where my life is going. I don't like a life without a goal, and that's where I am now. And that's where all the frustrations come from.

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