It's scary, but in less than 3 month's time, I will be 25 already, that's a quarter of a century old. My gosh, I feel old already.
My ideal age to get married is 26, and before I'm 30, I want to have my first child or even my second. But these are ideals, life and ideals do not always go hand-in-hand, plus, all these are dreamt up even before I had a stable relationship.
But now that the age is drawing closer and my relationship with Ah Dear going well, I'm starting to realise that it's not so much of a dream afterall. Suddenly, my dream does seem to be in my grasp, I just had to reach out and catch it.
My mei asked me last night if I have plans of getting married, yes, I think I do, Ah Dear and I have talked about it before. But am I really ready for marriage? I'm worried that I going into something for the sake of it. Am I ready to spend the rest of my life with someone else?
Yes, Ah Dear is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, no doubts about that. But the other question still lingers, am I ready for marriage? Am I ready for the responsibilities of marriage? Now that's the main issue. I'm never someone that's keen on responsibility, I don't like the pressure of it, I don't like to be bonded by things that I cannot change.
Marriage is a big responsibility, both interpersonal and financial. Interpersonal-wise, I feel that we can make it, I'm learning to curb this temper of mine, but financially.. That's another weakness of mine, I spend money like nobody's business. I don't have a habit of saving, whatever I earn, I spend. I live for today, tomorrow will always find a way. This is ok for a single with no responsibilities, but if I get married, I would have to change this part of me. And the thing is, I enjoy spending money, I enjoy splurging on myself whenever I can.
The other thing that's pulling me back is family. Not that they oppose, all of them loves Jason and treats him like family. It's me again, I don't know if I can pull away from my family. All along I've been saying I want to move out once I'm financially independent, blah blah blah. But when I started working, I realise just how important my family means to me, I realise just how hard my parents tries to keep everything together. It will be darn hard the day I move out.
But I can't always stay in the nest, someday I must leave.. question is, when is that someday?