Thursday, August 25, 2005

I love my Blog, I love my Jason : )

I love my blog!! I love it for the freedom it gives me to rant about anything that I'm upset about.. And I was damn upset yesterday.. I feel much better after blogging it out and after a nite's sleep.. I realise how silly I was.. but then I'm not going to take that post down. It stays where it is.

That's my true and honest opinion at that moment. He tried to explain coz he's getting his pay at the end of the month, blah blah blah.. but to me, it does not justify borrowing money from his dad. His family have problems making ends meet already, and there he was borrowing for the sole provider of the family who is retired, living off retirement funds in CPF and having to teach tuition despite his age. I do not think it's right.

It's not right to put pleasure before family. There are always other people to borrow from, he have so many rich friends, cant he borrow from them? and his gf, dun tell me he cant borrow from her? It's a fucking relationship, can he borrow from her??

And the one thing that bothered me the most was that when his brother pulled this stunt some time ago.. he was so angry and mad at him, sayin this and that.. then look what he's doing now?!

Bah!! let's not talk about such unpleasant stuff in the morning.. I'm in a better mood now.. so much better than yesterday.. I cant believe I woke up in the middle of the night to blog that.. haha.. I must be crazy..

But I'm lucky.. to have a boyfriend that can tolerate my craziness.. who can talk to me, as a friend.. who understands how I feel and tries to understand from my point of view.. Which girl can talk to her bf about thinking of her ex??

To Jason, he rathers I talk things out with him then hiding it from him.. for him, relationships should not be a 100% thing but you should keep some parts as friendship. This way, you can be honest with each other and tell each other things that you can never tell your other half. I think this is a very good approach to love, that way, you can balance love and honesty.

How sould I put this?? there are times when you meet certain situation and you want to tell your partner about it. But then you hesitate coz you're worried ur partner would get upset and things like that. Whereas you would not hesitate to tell your friends your problems.

So sometimes, one have to treat their partner as a friend, so that you can tell him things and not worry..

I love my Jason.. I really do.. though sometimes I find it hard to say it out. (shy mah.. serious) but at the end of the day, he's the one person that I really want to see and be with. Never had I felt so loved and pampered before. I can never say enough thank yous for the things that he had done for me..

Looking at my desk, i realise the stark difference between this and the previous relationship.. I could do things that I could never do, I could speak my mind whenever I like to, I could turn to him no matter what's the problem.

I wish I could love Jason more.. but I was hurt, very hurt by Darren.. Some parts of me feels dead, even till now.. and love is a strange thing, though I have so many reasons to hate him, I cannot stop myself from loving him still.. But I always maintained, it's possible to love many people at one time, it's jus the degree of love, time and devotion you put in.. and now, Jason is my love whilst Darren is just background music that's nice to hear, but really not important.

and one thing that makes me happy this morning.. it's raining.. I hope it rains in Malaysia for the next few days, so that the haze problem will get better.. ha.. who am i kidding.. I hope it fucking rains everyday in Bintan and spoil their trip.. 女人yu小人难养ye

i'm evil but i like it. and so does Jason :p

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